Then comes the guilt. I really want to hear about every one's kids and how they are doing. I am going through the whole teenage thing with Ty. So, I don't want to feel alone. So, I feel horrid for complaining to myself. Even though no one hears me. I still feel like I am hurting people. There is a guilt in losing a child that people do not expect. I felt guilty for the fact that my parents were not just mourning the loss of a grandchild. They were worried about me. My husband had only had a daughter a couple of years. Just long enough to really get to know her. Then, had her ripped away. And, then had to take care of me on top of it. Many of my friends had children that were friends of Sarah. And, she was one of those kids that did not just get close to the kids. She was close to the parents, too. So, their families were grieving the lost of her friend, their child's friends and were still worried about me. Oh, and there was Jerry being the check in person. He was bombarded by people checking on my without my knowledge. I am not complaining about it. Neither did he. He had his plate full. But, he never once turned down another helping. And, the diabetic parents that knew of Sarah's death. How on earth was I to live with the guilt of them now being scared to let their child sleep at night.
I am accepting that it's OK to be frustrated. Anger is an emotion that I have not gone through much with the loss of my child. Surprisingly. So, maybe this is how my anger is manifesting. I am just glad that it is not at anyone. Well, except for days like to today. But, that is a blog for another time.