What Shall I Be Known For?

I woke up this morning to the news of another child gone. I was glad to see that the mother is blogging about the loss . Her's is still very fresh. It's been less than a week. It brings back so many memories. Some of the memories stem from my interaction with people. I read the comments. Full of people giving their sympathies. It reminded me of a post on a friend's page. Her small child was admitted to the hospital, again. People were going on about how sorry they were and again, giving sympathy.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying they were doing anything wrong. It just reminded me of going into "work" mode. The "I really don't have time for a breakdown" state of mind. I got tired of being the mom that's claim to fame is that her child died.

I know that I am not the only mom that is known for what went wrong with their life. They have a mental disorder (or five). They have a child with mental, emotional and/or physical issues. They themselves have been injured or hurt both emotionally or physically. There are days that we want to step out of our own lives and just breathe.

But, we don't. No matter what we do the issue will be there. The memories of your child's smell and warmth when they hug you. Having to teach your blind baby how to eat. Making yourself leave your home when you are agoraphobic. Putting yourself out there when you feel dejected.

We find a way to make our way through the world and find a purpose. I finally come to grasp that my purpose in this great big world is to teach people that is OK to be happy when the rest of the world says you should be sad. It is OK to smile at your child's funeral. It is OK to not dwell every day on the fact that your child is not there with you. It is OK to smile when you think of your child rather than break down in tears. Just as it is OK to let the tears fall where they may.

"Birds sing after a storm; 

why shouldn't people feel as free 

to delight in whatever 

sunlight remains to them?" 

- Rose Kennedy

There is a song that makes me smile every time I hear it. It is by one of Sarah's favorite bands, Black Veil Brides. They were awesome and tweeted about Sarah after we lost her. It also went to their Facebook and Myspace pages. She was trending on Twitter for a while. But, I digress. It seems like a good thing to end the night with.

Sarah in her Black Veil Brides shirt. 

"In The End"

In the end

As we fade into the night (oh whoa oh oh)

Who will tell the story of your life?

In the end

As my soul's laid to rest

What is left of my body

Or am I just a shell?

And I have fought

And with flesh and blood I commanded an army

Through it all

I have given my home for a moment of glory

(I gave it all)

In the end

As we fade into the night (oh whoa oh oh)

Who will tell the story of your life (oh whoa oh oh)

And who will remember your last goodbye (oh whoa oh oh)

Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid

I'm not afraid to die.

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid to die

Born a saint

Though with every sin I still wanna be holy

I will live again

Who we are

Isn't how we live we are more than our bodies

If I fall I will rise back up and relive my glory

In the end

As we fade into the night (oh whoa oh oh)

Who will tell the story of your life (oh whoa oh oh)

And who will remember your last goodbye (oh whoa oh oh)

Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid

I'm not afraid to die

In the end

As we fade into the night (oh whoa oh oh)

Who will tell the story of your life (oh whoa oh oh)

And who will remember your last goodbye (oh whoa oh oh)

Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid

I'm not afraid to die

Who will remember this last goodbye (oh whoa oh oh)

Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid

I'm not afraid to die

Not afraid

I'm not afraid to die

Not not afraid

I'm not afraid to die!