Don't get me wrong, I am not saying they were doing anything wrong. It just reminded me of going into "work" mode. The "I really don't have time for a breakdown" state of mind. I got tired of being the mom that's claim to fame is that her child died.
I know that I am not the only mom that is known for what went wrong with their life. They have a mental disorder (or five). They have a child with mental, emotional and/or physical issues. They themselves have been injured or hurt both emotionally or physically. There are days that we want to step out of our own lives and just breathe.
But, we don't. No matter what we do the issue will be there. The memories of your child's smell and warmth when they hug you. Having to teach your blind baby how to eat. Making yourself leave your home when you are agoraphobic. Putting yourself out there when you feel dejected.
We find a way to make our way through the world and find a purpose. I finally come to grasp that my purpose in this great big world is to teach people that is OK to be happy when the rest of the world says you should be sad. It is OK to smile at your child's funeral. It is OK to not dwell every day on the fact that your child is not there with you. It is OK to smile when you think of your child rather than break down in tears. Just as it is OK to let the tears fall where they may.
There is a song that makes me smile every time I hear it. It is by one of Sarah's favorite bands, Black Veil Brides. They were awesome and tweeted about Sarah after we lost her. It also went to their Facebook and Myspace pages. She was trending on Twitter for a while. But, I digress. It seems like a good thing to end the night with.