There is a stigma attached to being "the dad." That you don't really want to spend the time with your child. Especially when you are a mom who doesn't have primary custody. But, it is simply a matter of you can not both keep your child on a regular basis. It just doesn't work. Especially when you do not live in the same time as your ex. And, sometimes the child is just better off with the one parent for the time. And, it doesn't always mean the other parent is doing something wrong. It's just that sometimes one parent is a better fit.
It is hard not to judge divorced parents. Or, to take sides. My ex and I have been fortunate to have some very kind friends who have refused to take sides. But, tonight still sucks. The dogs are even pouting. The big dog was counting feet when we got out of the car. He will sometimes pout for hours.
On a far more depressing note, September 16th will mark two years that Sarah has been gone. I am sure I will blog more in the next week or so about how our lives have changed. But, today I simply want to share a photo. One of Sarah's friends left a duct tape bow at the graveside. It is still there. She is buried in a cemetery out in the country with a lot of wind. The bow is still there. It's kind of awesome. Also, the ground is finally flattened out. It was well over a year that the dirt was still heaped up on her grave. Somehow it feels much better to be level.