Thursday, August 29, 2013

The Pistachio in a Bag of Mixed Nuts, I’m Already a Little Cracked

So, by now you probably know that I have a “Dad’s Schedule” with my son. I get him 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends and one afternoon/evening a week. Until this weekend I was figuring on getting him on Tuesday afternoons. I had forgotten completely about last year’s schedule. Since he plays football on a night where all of the teams besides Varsity play, we would spend the time with him after his game and watch the older boys play. Since he lives 30 minutes away it helped save us gas. It was his dad’s suggestion. He knows it takes a lot of gas and time out of the evening for traveling. And, it kills two birds with one stone. And, luckily his games will be close enough I only have to miss one.

He has two weeks until he actually plays. So, I figured I will get him for a few hours on the next two Thursdays. Here is where my paranoia and anxiety kicks in. I wouldn’t say that I am an over protective mom. And, I am so not a “schedule” person. I wish I was. And, I am working on it. But, I am a little OCD when it comes to making arrangements to meet people. Especially when it involves dropping off and picking up children. I want to know exactly when and where they will be. What car they will be in? Do their parents know about these plans? Do I know the parents?

At times this completely contradicts my normal fly by the seat of my pants nature. I would much rather schedule exactly when I will have my son for the rest of the year. But, since we only have schedules for football and not the rest of the year (Basketball is next.) I can’t. I don’t know if this stems from the fact that his father and I are no longer married to each other and I am scared of screwing up and losing him. (He’s 13. He could probably fend for himself in the wild if he had to.) Or, if I am scared he will feel abandoned. Again. The poor kid. If anyone has the right to feel abandoned, it’s him.

But, what brought the subject up today is that in these 2 weeks, I get to pick him up and take him to the local Dairy Queen. This is customary for us when he doesn’t have a game. We go have some ice cream and a drink and work on homework. A lot of the time Jerry comes along. This is advantageous because well, he is just plain smarter and has a better memory than me. So, the older Ty gets, the more I have to let him rely on Jerry for help.

But, I digress. The reason I even bothered to write this to start with. The varsity team is playing in my town today at 7:30. He wants to go to the game. So, I am getting him after work so we can visit for a bit. If he can find a ride home, he can go to the game.

But, the hard part for me is letting someone else take him home. There are a handful of parents in his town that I know very well. So, the idea of relying on someone I don’t know carrying my son in their vehicle 25 miles away freaks the ever loving bologna out of me. We’re talking full blown nuclear meltdown panic. So, there is a little part of me hoping that no one will be able to. That I can just have our time at DQ and I will take him to his dad’s. But, that isn’t fair to him.

I am a big ole can of mixed nuts right now. It isn’t fair that I take it out on everyone else. I try really hard not to. But, sadly my son and husband bear the brunt of it. So, I hope and pray that the day goes great. Ty gets to go to the game. That also means he gets to see his step-dad. And, the dog.

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