BEFORE READING THIS … Please
keep in mind that I know that people grieve differently and have different
sorrows. Losing the child is not the same as fighting a disease. I am writing
this from the viewpoint of someone who has lost a child. More than anything,
remember that you should always remember who you are speaking to. Not everyone
that you will encounter is a Christian. Sometimes we have to be an example of
what is to be a Christian. And, the person you are speaking with may be mad at
God and you may just push them further away.
Also, please keep in mind that I am emotionally and physically exhausted. And, this happened. So, yeah, I may ramble.
I shared a blog today. By doing
so, I opened a HUGE can of worms. You might want to read it before you go any
further.
No, go ahead . I’ll wait.
1. I’m not Job. Never have
been. Never will be. I have had sorrow and pain in heaping doses and I fight
on. I have never once scolded God or got mad at him. I have had long talks
asking why. I mean I know he has a reason for everything he does. And, I know
that he will help me through the valleys of darkness and sorrows. But, somehow,
when someone says “God never gives us more than we can handle” I felt like I
was being scolded. Somehow, in my experience, people use this phrase the most
immediately after whatever event occurred. This was the time in my life where I
would collapse into a sobbing heap on the floor at a moment’s notice. I quit functioning. I was
hypercritical of myself. I was already finding blaming myself for Sarah’s
death. If she had lived with me. If we had taken better care of her. If I had
stayed with her dad. If we hadn't let her do athletics…
And, now people are telling me that I should
be able to handle this? AND MORE?! I know I can. But, you know what. I
couldn’t. Not on my own. Not without God’s love and direction. I have prayed a lot.
It took until today to realize
why I don't like the statement. God allows us to have far more burden’s than we
can handle alone. That is the key. ALONE. No, we can't always handle them. He
is there to help ease our burdens. That is part of the gift of his grace. To
ease our burdens even when we don't deserve it. That is the point of Grace
after all, isn't it? I remember someone saying, “God will help you through it.”
That meant far more to me. It gave me far more comfort and made me feel less
alone. “God told me…”
2. Yeah, I like how he put it.
Especially talking about the communication between you and God as being sacred.
It reminds me of a blog I started about people throwing scripture around on
Facebook.
For some reason, it
bugs me when people throw scripture around on Facebook. It always has. And, I
don't mean posting a verse as your status or anything like that. I am referring to using it in comments and such.
Scripture
is personal. It is sacred. In my eyes, if you want to witness with someone or
share scripture, it's not something you just throw out there. It is like taking
an english book and throwing it to a preschooler and saying, "Here. Learn
this. It will help." Being Christlike means taking the time for genuine
connection.
And when sharing your
testimony, which is using what you and God have discussed it is best to do it
as personally as possible. In person or even in a hand written letter.
3. When you lose a love
one, you hear a ton of platitudes. “I will pray for you.” Is one of them. You
hear it a lot. And, you know people mean well. And, I am not saying it’s a bad
thing to say. But, there are better things. “I have been praying for you.” “You
are in my prayers.” My favorites are can we pray for you?” and “Can we pray for
you now?” It is far more personal. And, there is something that is amazing about
having a group of people praying with you right there. I felt the sensation of
being bathed in prayer. When we sat at Sarah’s funeral, we could feel
it. A sense of peace and relief.
The main things to take
away from the lesson is to choose your words wisely. Everyone copes differently
and people have differently. Just because someone doesn't believe in God or
they are struggling with their faith doesn't mean you don’t pray for them. And,
just because you are praying for them, does not mean you have to tell them you
are.
And, one last thing,
whatever you do, when having a conversation with a person you are disagreeing
with, do not say “God bless you.” Or “I am praying for you.” It’s catty and it
is the equivalent of a dirt look down the nose.
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