This week we had a new experience in the Whetsel house. Ty has been texting girls. I have actually been looking forward to this day for a while. Ty has not been great about keeping his phone charged or on him. But, all of the sudden it stays charged and is on him at all times. I am trying to work on the concept that he does not need a girlfriend. Not that he can not have on. Just that you should let things come naturally. I cringe when he and his friends use the phrase, "Get a girlfriend." I worry just as much that he will hurt a girl as a girl will hurt him. Ty has always been a daddy's boy. I struggled over how to explain my relationship with my kids. That was until I read a blog from I Want a Dumpster Baby that helped me. My daughter was my first child. I was going to school and spent a lot of our time just she and I. When my son came around, we had moved closer to my husbands place of work. So he was around more. And, he and my son are outdoors people. My daughter and I rather stay in with a book. Plus, what little boy doesn't want to farm with his Daddy. This led to us pairing off.
It was also problematic when I left their father. What gap was there just got deeper and wider. But, in time it healed. I never imagined that he and I would be as close as we are now. I have terrible guilt that we were not this close when he was younger. Don't get me wrong, I was still Mom and he loved me. But, I still missed out. After we lost his sister, I realized how much I had missed out on with him. Me trying to give him and his dad space to "be guys" turned into me neglecting him. And, on some level, I don't feel like I deserved his time. All he would learn from me was to be neurotic and downtrodden. He did would teach him to be strong and motivated. He would learn to not let people run over him. But, I finally came to realize, through encouragement from friends and my husband that I did have things to teach him. Compassion, patience the ability to bend (and that it's important to bend and not break), meekness, charm, warmth. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I am his only example of the traits. But, I am a strong exam me for him.
And, now that there are girls in the picture, I am hoping that he learned from the mistakes that his father and I made. I also hope he learns from what we are each doing right in our current marriages. I fear that the relationship that his father and I had may have hindered his future relationships. And, it also hurt our relationships with him.
My son goes to therapy to help him cope with losing his sister, the divorce, ADHD and just being a thirteen year old boy. After his last session, his therapist asked that his dad and I start talking to him about relationships with girls. So, we have both been talking to him. I am sure there are many tears to come in our future as well a many smiles. I just hope that the girls have parents that have taught them how to be ladies and to be gentle with my son's heart.
I am a woman trying to find her place in this world. I have an awesome son. And, I am married to someone who is as perfect for me as someone can be. We are still mourning the loss of my daughter. We are working through it. We are still trying to find happiness in the grief. It is there. I want to help others find it with us.
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