One Tooth at a Time

I don't like myself. At all. I tell my husband regularly that I do not know how he can stand me. I can barely stand myself. I have let myself go. And, I don't mean in the sense that I have put on weight and look like a "Person of Walmart." Honestly, I just gave up. On my health, taking care of myself and my home. There is a Catch 22 here. When your body fails you, it effects you mentally. So, did my mind start this, or did my body. I don't know. And, I do not care. I have learned that people actually care about me. There are people on this planet that actually love me. People that are not obligated to give a shit about me. They are not married to me. They are not related to me. If they find my value. I should to.

Sunday last week, I had a horrid pain in my mouth. My teeth are atrocious. I mean REALLY bad. A few years ago, I had one tooth removed and 2 that are badly broken on top or all sorts of cavities and such. So, I called the dentist and they got me in that afternoon. Sure enough, I have an abscess. The teeth on either side of the one needed root canals. And, the one in the middle is completely dead. (It is also happened to be one of the broken ones.) I also saw my weight. 180 lb dressed. My stomach dropped. I am officially at my heaviest. My prescription was called in for antibiotics and pain pills and an appointment was set for a few days later. I went to work Tuesday. My mouth didn't bother me. But, I developed what we decided had to have been a migraine. I got home Tuesday and went to bed. I didn't get up except for showers until Thursday. By the time I got to the dentist, I felt good. I had a full set up x-rays and examine first. We wanted to start a plan for my mouth. The x-rays were a pain. Apparently, my lower jaw is very shallow. And, it makes it really hard to x-ray.

Jerry went with me when it was time for my tooth yanking. Keep in mind, the tooth I had removed a couple of years ago came out REALLY easy. It was out literally before I realized it. I could see Jerry watching the procedure and even making comments about, "That looks cool!" The tooth came out in pieces. The top come off. And, the roots were being stubborn. I was in the chair longer than any of us realized. And, my mouth was killing me. Pain meds were not working anymore. So, we took a break and I go back in a few days. I got the lecture about only putting healthy things in my body.  Especially one we get all of the work done.

I knew that I needed to work on my teeth. I am embarrassed by them. But, I also know that I need to loose weight. And, don't give me the "oh, you look fine." spill. About four or five years ago, I lost several pounds. I was down to 132.  Yeah, I loved pretty darn good. My ideal weight is supposedly 121. I don't want to be that this. 135 is my favorite weight. I feel healthy there. I can breathe with so much more ease. My joints don't hurt. I sleep better. Everything just works like it is supposed to. When my body works better. My brain functions better both on an analytical level and an emotional one. Yes, my self confidence goes up, too. Shoot, clothes fit better, too.

So, I have decided that if I am going to care about myself and be the best me for the people who love me, I need to take care of me. And, make healthy choices. I will be able to do cosplay costumes that I should not and can not attempt now. And, if I am functioning better as an individual, I will function better as a member of society. I will be a better employee, artist, friend, mother, husband, child of God. I will have the physical motivation to clean and work on this house. So, I am going to working on putting better and fewer things in my body. That doesn't mean I am not going to have a glass of wine every once in a while. and, I will still have cakes at birthdays. But, with the help and encouragement of my husband, I am on a mission to be a better person inside and out.

NOTE: Do not send me advertisements for Advocare. OR, any diet plans really. If the time comes that I need additional assistance I will seek it out. Every time I post about needing to lose weight, a different person contacts me about Advocare. It is getting old.