I miss her.
As a child, I remember coming to my father's parents in November to find two large pots of chrysanthemums on the dining room table. Every year. Both of my grandparents birthdays and their anniversary fell in the same week in November. I think of them every time I see a Chrysanthemum.
I miss them.
Sarah made the deviled eggs. She was very good at eat. I can't eat one without crying, now. The last two Thanksgivings haven't been as bad as I expected. This year seems to be making up for them. I am the least stressed I have been in a long time.
That may be the problem. I keep thinking of what it would be like if she was still here. The sound of her voice and her laughter. How she would come up behind me and grab me.
I miss her so much that it hurts.
So, this will be my first medicated holidays. I know I have the right to miss them. But, it doesn't mean I want to.