What HAVE I done?

This is going to be a purely selfish blog. I have felt like I haven't accomplished anything crafty or creative in months. And, today, I was going through albums on my Facebook page looking for a particular photo. While looking I found several photos of things I have made over the years. It pretty much reiterated that I have fallen off the crafty wagon. My hope is that by sharing some of the photos, I will light a fire under my rump. Fair warning, there are several pictures.

 This is a small wall hanging. The phoenix is all pieced by hand.

 Jennifer had a dinosaur themed 19th birthday. I made her and her friend dinosaur tails that doubled as pillows.

The butterflies and flowers were made from candy. They were rather yummy.

 Ty's 10th birthday cake. He had a great a wrestling theme, of course.

 A Day of the Dead tote bag. 

 A White Queen (aka Italian Cream Cake.)

 My portrait in the style of an artist. I went with Picasso, of course.

 Ty's 9th birthday cake. He had a Nerf party. So, I went with camo.

 My Catwoman tote. I machine appliqued the front and 

did a Batman logo on the other side.

 A baby quilt I made because I wanted to.

 A Halloween apron, of course.

 An Angry Birds cupcake cake I made for the son of a friend.

 The comic book themed stockings I made us.

 I do believe this was Ty's 10th birthday cake.

One of the canvases that made after Sarah passed. I even sold some!

The Batman purse I made. I sold it on Etsy.

 I made a BAM pillow, too. I sold them to a teacher that was doing a superhero theme for her classroom.

The dress I made for the 1st birthday of a friend's daughter. 

Down to the ruffles on the bottom.

Hopes For a Happy New Home

My husband and I want to move something terrible. And, we want to move for many reasons. We live in the ghetto. Our neighbors are great. Even the couple across the street that may be gang bangers, but by George they will drop everything to help someone. They came across the street one day when the hubs came home with our son in tow to let us know that there had been boys with bats in hoodies looking in our windows. DO NOT give me the hoodie speech. I do not think everyone in a hoodie is a thug. But, anyone in the West Texas heat wearing one zipped with the hood up is up to something. That or they have a horrid medical disease that causes them to freeze in mid-90 degree weather. Oh, and they have a group of friends with the same bizarre condition. Ty has not slept the same at our house since. He does however actually make an effort to keep his blinds closed, though.

 I love our home. It is the first place that I have felt at home in years. But, it is sadly in need of far more repairs than we are up to. The electrical needs redone. The plumbing needs redone. The foundation needs redone. The ceilings need redone. And, that doesn’t even get into the cosmetic issues.

And, we do not have a fenced area we can let the PeekaPoo out off leash. The big dog is in the tiny back yard. The two of them get along fine. But, the big dog has ADD and I am afraid will accidentally eat the little one. Or, just play too rough.

My husband was starting a new job. We knew it was coming with a pay raise. It did not turn out to be as much as we hoped. But, we realized that there is a modestly priced home that I fell in love with a long time ago that we might can afford. We are going to see if it is even an option (Our credit is trashed. We are working on it. But, it takes time.) It is a great location for us and just enough space. The yards are nice and there is room for both dogs. Everything works even!

And, for some reason, completely out of the blue, another reason hit me. Sarah has been in the house with us. When I first moved to Abilene, it was on the market and there was an open house. So, of course we all went to look at it. So, somehow she has left her print on it. The house is next door to my parents. And, when the kids were little, there was a family that lived there with children their age. They spent a good bit of a summer playing with the kids.  I have had more than one breakdown late at night, agonizing over moving somewhere without her memory being attached to it. So, I hope and have been praying that this works out. It would be a blessing to have a home she has played in and around. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out.

 

 

Today’s words are flippant, uncouth, anguish, fastidious and depraved.

I haven’t had time… OK, let’s face it. I haven’t had the mental acuity to put together three words to form a complete thought over the last couple of weeks. My health and energy levels seem to be getting better, though. I have a list of blogging thoughts and topics written down. But, I am going to just hit some highlights today. So, I figured since school is back in session, I should make a vocabulary lesson out of it!

There will not be a spelling test because, let’s face it, you all have spell check. Well, that and the fact that I can’t get through typing anything without a handful of odd typos myself.

1. Flippant – (frivolously disrespectful, shallow, or lacking in seriousness) - Far too often we are very flippant with the words we choose. We don’t always think about the words we choose. Remember to be aware of the people around you. I get that you have a right to your opinion. But, a majority of the time when people “say whatever they want” they are using their right to be a dick as well. I am getting tired of people saying, “I just don’t care what they think.” They shut up. Good gracious.
2. Uncouth – ( If you have gone to Walmart, you have seen visual examples. Please have some pride in yourself. Realize that when you are in public, the words you say, how you are dressed, even how you smell tells the rest of us what you want us to think of you. I have spent a lot of time lately how different the world would be if people remembered this. Me included. We have a regular whose daughter came in to pay one of his checks not long ago. She is a natural beauty. But, has been raised in a lifestyle with no esteem. She is always dirty and the only way that she you can tell really that she is a girl is if you speak with her or you see her bra straps. I wish I could tell her that she is stunning.
3. Anguish - ( ) The two year anniversary of loosing my shadow was last Monday. Yeah, you get the point.
4. Fastidious – ( ) I should be so much more fastidious about my housework. This is a serious issue for me. Really, I have really fallen down on the job.
5. Depraved – ( .) Grand Theft Auto V is out. There are not enough words to describe how I despise this game. In a word full of evil where is already hard enough to teach our children right from wrong? Yeah, let’s just give the children a game condoning, no ENCOURAGING theft, violence, sex, vulgarity… I am going to stop now. Again, you get my point. Yes I know there are other games, I like it. I don’t like them, either.
6. Transcendent – ( ) This was not on the list originally. But, I was watching The Voice (I love Adam’s beard.) and one the singers commented that singing on stage is transcendent. I agree. For me, it’s art. Making it or taking it in. There is a small local gallery that I have grown to enjoy. It is a nice place to transcend my every day life and just soak in the colors and textures.

Well, I guess that is all for now. Things to do you know. But, if you would, take a few moments to keep Jerry and me in your prayers. He and I are checking into some the possibility of buying a house. And, we could use all the help we can get. 

Diabetes can kiss my pancreas!

For most people, they mourn the most on the anniversary of losing a loved one. But, in our case, it’s a little different. The events of the days are more clear in our memory than the number.

 Sarah passed away the morning of that the high school boys would be playing Jim Ned, another local team. They play Jim Ned the same week every year. So, tonight, while I am watching my son play football, I will be remembering texting his sister during the game. She was watching her step-brother play his first game of the season with her step-mom and little brother. I was at home watching Vampire Diaries and the Secret Circle. It was pouring rain. It rained pretty much all the following weekend.

About 10 this evening, I am sure I will be sitting remembering talking to her on the phone. She told me all about the game. She asked me about “The Secret Circle” but begged for no spoilers. It is probably a good thing I did not know then that it would be the last time I would hear her say, “I love you” or good night.” I would never get to answer a text. I would never see her smile again or the twinkle in her eyes. 

I am doing OK. It still hurts. But, it is a little easier than last year. Partly because I am distracted. I received news at the doctors office that I really wish had been given to me later. But, the sooner the better. This is a two for one blog. I wanted to wait to talk to Ty in person before I actually posted the one below. You'll see why.

I am actually starting this writing process on Wednesday night. I received a diagnosis today that I do not want to post about until I get to talk to my son. I am insulin resistant. It doesn't mean I am diabetic. But, it means I am basically nose to nose with Type 2. I am going forward treating my body like I do have Type 2. Watching what I eat and moving my body. I have about 40 pounds or so that I need to shed to feel better. (I know at what weight I feel better.) 

Normally, this wouldn't feel like a traumatic diagnosis. But, I had gestational diabetes while pregnant with my daughter. Then, I lost my daughter due to diabetes. So, yeah, it scares me a little. 

This isn't a death sentence. It is a constant reminder to LOVE MY BODY! With this being Suicide Prevention Week, it makes sense. If you love your body, you take care of it! 

I have also started on nutrients, vitamins and supplements to help my body work at it's best. This includes my brain. And, my medical provider agreed that I have ADHD and anxiety. So, we are trying to use said pills to help with them as well. I miss my brain not working. I can not focus or even think at all some days. My only saving grace with my job is that I did it for so many years that I know it like the back of my hand. 

I have so many things I want to do.  I want to get a degree in art. I want to do roller derby. I want to be a super-blogger. I want to remodel and clean my house! So, hopefully, if I can get my body in gear, I can! Wish me luck and send prayers!!! I will need them. There will be frustration and anger along the way, I am sure.

I contacted a new friend that is also resistant. She also has a parent that suffers from diabetes in a bad way. We have decided that we will throw things at people that eat sweets in front of us. I think stale baked items would be appropriate. This brings me to my last point, when someone states that they want to change the way they eat because they want to lose weight or to be healthier, DO NOT belittle the choice. Over the last couple of years, I have had people say, "You don't need to lose weight!" or "But, you are so thin. I just don't see where you need to lose weight." Worse still, they completely change the subject. I know they were trying to help. But, then I was maybe twenty pounds over weight. Now, it's forty pounds. Yes, sometimes the person is probably the last one that needs to lose weight. Help encourage them to make healthy choices! There are people that need to put some weight on. And, healthy eating can help them, too. Do not get me wrong. Don't give them  unsolicited advice. (Unless they ask.) But, encouragement is good! And, share recipes. If you find a healthy recipe maybe try it and bring them some. And, if you can see they have lost weight, even the smallest amount, tell them!!!!!

And, if you are trying to shed weight yourself, find friends with the same goal! I am blessed to have coworkers that are working to making healthy decisions. The friend I work with the closest is down 46 pounds! And, looking good. She is doing Weight Watchers and hitting the gym daily. I am very proud of her! Hopefully she will get to start her blog soon. It will probably be called "DeFoore and After." I'll let you know when she is up and running!

Well, Ty took the news well. he was busy kicking himself about not making a good tackle. He was really being hard on himself. I was kind of proud, though. He stated that if he had made the tackle and stopped the touchdown, it would have raised the teams spirit and the team as a whole might have payed better. And, the roller derby. I think I might just do it, while I can. So, maybe I will see you at the rink. ;) I want to leave you with something special that Sarah left behind.

Sarah's Voice

Artsy Aspirations

So, I am thinking about going back to school and getting my degree in art or multimedia art. Might even do both. But, I also want to do roller derby. Unless we win the lottery, I don't see being able to do both. But, by George, I may try. I really felt like a degree in art in this town would be wasteful. Then, I remembered that we want to move to a larger town in a few years. One with a more “artsy” feel to it.

I have had nightmares about going to school for years. But, with everyone posting about school and doing homework, I am really starting to miss it. I wish that I could go back in time and talk to myself. I wish that I had the confidence and knowledge of I deserved to be “what I wanted.” Alas. I can't. I know things wouldn't be the same but still.

But, I will keep the world out there updated. Here's hoping your world is filled with peace and blessings.

The Night Divorced Dad's Dread, Old Duct Tape and Scales, Not the Fishy Kind

This is the night I have dreaded since school let out. I have pointed out on more than one occasion that I have "dad's weekends." So during the school year I see my soon the first, third and fifth weekends of the month. I also get him one evening in the week. But, since he plays football now, I see him on the nights he plays. But, during the summer, I get him for a week at a time. The first weekend of the school year is always hard. I am used to having him for a whole week. Forty-eight hours doesn't seem near long enough.

There is a stigma attached to being "the dad." That you don't really want to spend the time with your child. Especially when you are a mom who doesn't have primary custody. But, it is simply a matter of you can not both keep your child on a regular basis. It just doesn't work. Especially when you do not live in the same time as your ex. And, sometimes the child is just better off with the one parent for the time. And, it doesn't always mean the other parent is doing something wrong. It's just that sometimes one parent is a better fit.

It is hard not to judge divorced parents. Or, to take sides. My ex and I have been fortunate to have some very kind friends who have refused to take sides. But, tonight still sucks. The dogs are even pouting. The big dog was counting feet when we got out of the car. He will sometimes pout for hours.



On a far more depressing note, September 16th will mark two years that Sarah has been gone. I am sure I will blog more in the next week or so about how our lives have changed. But, today I simply want to share a photo. One of Sarah's friends left a duct tape bow at the graveside. It is still there. She is buried in a cemetery out in the country with a lot of wind. The bow is still there. It's kind of awesome. Also, the ground is finally flattened out. It was well over a year that the dirt was still heaped up on her grave. Somehow it feels much better to be level.

And, lastly, for the night, we bought bathroom scales today. I have actually lost 5 pounds or so!!!! I am very excited! We have cut back on sweets, cranked up the water and we are trying to get up and move more. We also got a gym membership. We are getting along with the treadmill quite nicely. Only problem is that I have been watching Sherlock on Netflix while we are there. And, I finished the series. I do believe I will get caught up on Supernatural.

And, here is one last thought to wrap the post with. 

Sweet dreams my dears.