Friday, December 13, 2013

A Few Lessons I Have Learned

I am pretty darn happy.
I don’t  know what to do with it.
Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of things in my life that could be a lot better. But, in general, considering everything in my life, I am happy. I am at a place where I can see a light of hope for the future. The last few years left me with emotional whiplash. A lot has happened both good and bad.
I was drained. I am going to give you a visual. You have a bathtub that is full of filthy water. You drain it completely. Now, you put the plug back in and add more water. Clean water. It doesn’t stay clean. There is still dirt there. But, not near as much. Then you drain it, again. If you keep doing this, eventually you end up with fairly clean water. Water that isn’t stagnant. There are some issues that will always be there, like ring around the tub in an old porcelain tub that needs to be refinished. But, you get used to it and pretty well ignore it. 

That is where I am. This morning, I felt like I was taking a bubble bath in my tub. I wake up to the dog scampering over and laying down on my chest with his normal, “You don’t need to get up right now.” puppy dog eyes. Then the kitten comes over and starts nuzzling. Then look up to see Mr. J smiling at me. (Yes, I see you over there making that gagging motion. I don’t care. Nanner-nanner.)I was warm and happy. The only thing that would have been better would have been if my son was there.
I have even come to a point where I don’t say son and daughter. I realized that yesterday. Acceptance is a hard, painful thing. But, it is healing. You can’t move forward without it. She isn’t coming back.
I have noticed that other people speak of her always being 14. But, when I think of her, I see her as a seventeen year old. Standing tall and proud. Strutting about with that self confidence that is so rare in teenage girls.
I have learned a few things over the last year that I want to share. 

You can never hug your children too much. Ever. 

Never mock the person that treats their animal like family. For some of us, our pets really are family. I would be just as devastated if I lost my dog as if I lost a blood relative.

That you can never talk to your children too much. Treat them with respect. It is how they learn, by example. I even tell them yes ma'am and yes sir. There are a lot of children that never hear the words. It might be the only time they hear them.

You are an adult. Act like it. That often means not stooping to other people's level. And, sometimes, that means not trying to show people up.

When you are an adult, you learn to let by gones be by gones. When your spouse has friends that are friends with someone that you had a falling out with a long time ago, grow up. Get over it and move the heck on. You are hurting your spouse. Especially if the ax you are still grinding is from before you were a couple. 

That everyone grieves differently. And, that is OK. There is not a "right" way to grieve. 

Don't be afraid to make new friends.

Well, I am going to wrap this up for now. I have a sinus headache that is eating me alive.

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