Friday, May 24, 2013

Oh Sun, Why Must Though Dispise Me So

NOTE: This is one of those write a little hear. Write a little there. So, there is very little continuity blogs. As you were.

     So summer beings. My page is full of people that are ecstatic. Talk of pools, tanning and swimming. Not having to get up to get the kids to school in the mornings. Vacations. Lazy days. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love that for once I get to be a “real” mom. I get Ty for a week at a time. We actually get to develop a routine. He even gets to do chores. I have a hard time making him do many on the weekends since almost every bit of the messes are mine and Jerry’s.

     But, other than that, I loathe the summer. And, it is not just the hot weather. But, it is a huge part of it. I have never tolerated heat well. I get sick. Headache and vomiting sick. I can’t get comfortable. It’s hard to sleep. And, the more weight I put on the worse it is. I carry my weight like my grandmother did. It’s almost all between my hips and shoulders. It makes it hard to breathe. It also makes it hard to find clothes that don’t cut me in half and at the same time you don’t look like you are wearing a moo-moo. I know people that don’t’ have a problem with clothes that accentuate their weight. And, it is probably vanity. But, I dislike looking like I have no pride in my presence. Yes, I may look a little sloppy. But, I do realize other people are going to see me. And, I do not want people to think to themselves, “Wow, she just doesn’t care.”

     And, yeah, we are NOT going to mention swimming. It is heartbreaking. I know that there are people a lot larger than me. And, though go out in swimsuits all the time. Yay for them, I am not going to. I hate that Jerry even has to see the rolls. And, before anyone says you aren’t that big, I wear pretty darn good bras with a DD cup. A longish shirt hides a multitude of sins you can’t in spandex.

     Speaking of spandex… Another issue with my weight. I genuinely want to do cosplay. But, there aren’t many you can do modestly. And, not many that are flattering with a larger mid-section. Jerry wants to do cosplay, too. One day, when he gets an IT job away from the paper, we hope to get to do more. But, until then, I will be planning and sketching.

     Back to the summer. Last year summer break was also hard because it was our first one without Sarah. This year, she would have been driving. She would be out with her friends, so she wouldn’t be home as much. But, still, there is a big void. Maybe that is why I can’t seem to get the house picked up . The empty would be easier to see. Even with all of the animals

      All of these things have me in a headspin mentally. And, things at work have just been out of sorts. Not with my coworkers. The “debtors” as we call them in the computer program have been exceptionally cranky. We had big plans for this weekend. But, we are broke and exhausted. So, home it shall be. Well, maybe a work call. And, other stuff that keeps popping up.  And, to be honest, I miss being at home on a Saturday night.

     Well, I shall wrap this up here. I will be ok.  I have finally accepted that I need to be proactive about my weight gain. I just need to decide on an approach to take. And, I need to get in for a physical. And, maybe some Zanex. I don’t need “extra help” all of the time. But, some days I think I do. I hope the rest of you have a great start to your summer.

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