Thursday, September 6, 2012

In just over a week... will have been a year. A long, heart wrenching, breath taking, life altering year. I am at a huge overwhelming ball of emotions. Mostly good, actually. There is a a certain amount of peace that comes from running low on firsts. I know there will be more. But, we are past the first holidays without her, first birthdays, start of school, and things of that nature. There is also a selfish sense of thinking that somehow now that a year has passed, that the rest of the world (not counting really close friends and family) can move on and let us have the grief to ourselves.
      I have come to realize that Sarah meant more to the world than I could have imagined. Somehow, knowing this helps. You always hope that your children will have an impact on this world. I already had an idea. I knew of several occasions of her standing up for other kids. Some where she was willing to take on a bigger kid, or less popular. She stood up for the underdog. And, she was proud of who she was and who she called her friend. She had faith in God. Not always religion. She and I believed there is a great difference between the two.
      I figure that I will spend a lot of the next week remembering the last week and a half. Remembering the last phone call, text messages, hugs and so on. The night before she died, she was at her step-brother's football game. It was the first game that she understood the rules. So, I figure that is a lot of the reason that I am dreading Ty's first game. It won't feel the same without her there.
      Well, that is all for the moment. I need some rest. I just hope I get it. Good night all.