Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sing...for sarah...

     It's official. I had my first crying fit in public. I received a message from one of Sarah's camp friends who recently lost a parent. I started to turm and tell Jerry I needed to tell Sarah about it.
     There are so many things I have wanted to write down. Like how awkward it is for people to approach us. This sucks. And, there isn't anything that is going to make it better. Time will ease the pain. But, it will never go away. Some people have called it being numb. But, it more too exhausted to process emotion. My body won't seem to let me think about her too much. I want to collapse on the inside for a while. But, I can't seem to. When I start, I nearly hyperventilate.
     She looks as well as we could have expected. And, in case you are coming to see her, there are sharpies to leave her a message on her coffin. We think it might help some of the kids with their grief. And, Sarah would love how it looks. Also, we decided to go with what Sarah would want, rather than what is expected. : ) The music will be hers. She would have wanted it that way.
     I was already having issues with wanting to have another child. Now, I lose one. I am planning on getting some counseling soon. I think I need it. It has already been arranged for the boys.
well, I need to look for a couple of more songs and some scripture.

    Yes, I should be sleeping. I will in a bit. At least I will try.

     I want to tell her goodnight, and hug her neck. But, I can't. So, if you have your child handy, hug them for me.


Wendy said...

Words escape me.
My heart is breaking for your loss.

I will pray for peace, comfort, and strength on the road ahead.

Tracy said...

I can't even imagine your pain.

Praying for you and your family.

And definitely hugging mine a little tighter tonight.

Alexis said...

As my friends said there are NO words. My heart goes out to you and your family.

We are crying along side you.

I think the way your honoring her is beautiful, may you find strength and comfort.

(((Hugs))) and prayers.

Alexis (

Reyna said...

No words.

Know you are not alone.

Reyna Maher

Cindy said...

There are no words to comfort in a time like this. We're all sharing in your pain right now and remembering Sarah.

Kimberly said...

You are not alone and writing is definitely the best therapy...we are all along side you and praying for you and your family.

Meri said...

You have an army of parents praying for you and your sweet famiily. I hope the prayers carry you through this difficult time. Sending you much love from a parent with three t1's in California. Hugs. <3

Misty said...

Another mom of a t1 here. I am heartbroken by your loss. Please know that you and your family are in our prayers.

Rachael said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Lora said...

I can not imagine your pain. I can only say that I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I LOVE the idea of the Sharpies... I know her friends will find peace in sharing their words. (((HUGS))) to you.

marles said...

I feel your pain and know your heart break of losing Sarah as I lost my Hiedi 3 yrs ago she was 26 , so I really know the pain and suffering your going through right now and I am so sorry, It will get easier but you never forget and the love for them gets stronger. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family as my family is going through the same pain . Hug a diabetic or a child everyday thank the stars you can hug them.