One of the things that I was looking to happen as time went on was that there would be moments when Sarah would slip my mind. When she would no longer be on my mind constantly.
I am finally there.
Don't get me wrong. I have not forgot her. She is always there. Always at the back of my mind. But, she has stepped back and let me move forward.
But, then every once in a while, out of the blue, it hits me out of the blue.
I had a baby that grew into a beautiful young lady. And, she is not here anymore. And, she is not coming back. I should be able to call her. I should be able to reach out to her. But, I can't.
Then, there are tears and panic attacks.
Afterwards, I compose myself and go on about my day.
A dear friend should be holding her baby right now. But, she is not because her baby did not make it full term.
My heart is hurting.
For her and for me. I hate that other people can understand what I am going through. It kills me to know that there are other people out there that have lost their babies, whether they be infant or adult.
At the same time, it is comforting to not be along.
I am a woman trying to find her place in this world. I have an awesome son. And, I am married to someone who is as perfect for me as someone can be. We are still mourning the loss of my daughter. We are working through it. We are still trying to find happiness in the grief. It is there. I want to help others find it with us.
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