Thursday, February 27, 2014

Sharing Our Kids, and Some Belated Thank Yous

So, I am strolling through my FB feed when I come upon a meme posted by a fellow mother that lost her child to Type 1. Basically it says that all of the people that come to the funeral will not be there for you after you lose your child. This hit me weird.

Well, weird isn’t the word. Wrong isn’t the write word, either.

Unfair is more like it.
Your child isn’t just YOUR child. They are part of the world. Whether you want to believe it or not, your tiny little piece of your own world is part of the great big world, too. Especially when they get older and start school. Or, if your community is aware that your child has medical issues that they are fighting. You family, friends and community members are emotionally invested in your child. The parents of your children’s friends know your child. I found this out after losing Sarah. I had several parents that had stories that their children had brought home about her. They were all good stories that revolved around her concern for others and how they were impressed that she was so comfortable in her own skin.
These people that loved your child, they are experiencing loss, too. In our case, my best friends had children that had grown close to her. Hell, they considered her one of their children. They experience loss, too. So, when they see our faces, they don’t just see the person that lost their child. They see their own grief.
It is unfair for us to expect them to think we are the only ones that grieve. And, you know what else? Their grief goes on for years, too. Especially those of us who were really close to us.
So, sometimes, we have to suck it up and realize that we are being selfish and share. And, for those people that do move on. It isn’t fair of us to expect them to stay behind with us and hold on to our grief. Life moves on and so should we.
On another note, I do not think that I ever said thank you to the people that were there the morning we lost Sarah. They saw me at my very lowest. They were the ones that came running. I know that I will miss people because the morning is foggy and horrible.
My family… so much love.
Cathy… She was literally at my side when they broke the news and the first to console me. I always loved you. But, being there meant more than you will ever now.

Shara… I cannot imagine having to call me. It was not your fault and that should not have been your cross to bear.

Barbara and Ron… The fact that you took the time to come all the way out and wanted to help, yeah… I have nothing. Thank you.

Joy… You stepped and made things happened. You invited complete strangers into your house to take care of me. So much love for you.

Val… No words. Just love.

And, finally Jessica and Jasen… You have seen me at quite literally seen me at my lowest. Including my crashing and screaming. Thank you, my friends. We love you more than you will ever know.

Don’t worry, I tell Mr. J thank you all the time.

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