1. I still haven't hyperventilated.
2. I still haven't thrown up on anyone.
3. I still haven't stabbed anyone. But, there are a couple of hours left in the day.
4. I am eating. But, I am still constantly nauseous.
5. I finally had Sarah come visit me in a dream last night.
6. I was jealous of the people who had dreamed about her.
7. We got the autopsy results. 10 or so doctors looked at them. There is nothing definitive. They agreed that it was most likely a seizure due to low sugars. She had a problem with her thyroid. But, we would not have had a way to know yet.
8. I feel bad because I sleep more than I should. It isn't as easy to stay asleep as it used to be, though.
9. I am going to have to do something about a second job. The hard part is that we only have one car.
10. I dream about having babies and small children in the house. I wanted them before. Now, well...you can imagine. And, Jerry would make the most awesome dad. I feel bad that he has missed out on so many moments everyone should get to enjoy as a parent.
11. We are so broke it isn't funny.
12. I wish I could just stay home and do crafts and sewing for a living.
14. The hardest thing to do lately is to get up off the couch. Shut down mode sucks.
15. If I ever win the lottery, I want a tummy tuck and a boob lift. Well, both boobs lifted. And, I would give a significant amount to my ex. Jerry and I agreed on that. I am glad that I can truly called him my friend. And, in time, Jerry will be able to, also.
16. I am pretty well bypassing Halloween. Sarah and I enjoyed it more than any other day of the year. We had been planning our costumes since November last year.
17. Jerry has a lovely rear end. : )
18. I am paranoid about having bronchitis and not knowing it.
19. I actually have a list of things that freak me out on my phone. Well, I have the list on my phone.
20. I can't seem to shed tears. It makes me feel guilty. I still do everything else. But, the tears just don't come.
I am a woman trying to find her place in this world. I have an awesome son. And, I am married to someone who is as perfect for me as someone can be. We are still mourning the loss of my daughter. We are working through it. We are still trying to find happiness in the grief. It is there. I want to help others find it with us.
1 comment:
My aunt was 22 when she died. Leaving behind two young children. My Grandmother never did cry. That is what she told me. She felt horrible pain and grief, but no tears. Sometimes I think its too much for tears. Tears don't do justice for the pain that you are feeling. Sometimes tears to me feel like I'm giving in to the horrible thing that has happened.
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