October has always been my favorite month. I am an autumn girl. It was the month I shared with Sarah. We lived for Halloween. We would start our costume ideas the next month. We loved the decorations and celebrations. The first blow to our Halloween festivities was her diagnosis. Halloween sucks when you have diabetes. There always people who are considerate enough to make sure you have stuff in your bag that you don't have to give to your parents are siblings. But, I think that the being singled out like that wore thin on Sarah. She was searching for a place where she didn't stand out so much. Not that she wanted to fit in, exactly. But, if she was going to stand out, she wanted it to be by her choice, not because of a medical condition.
We loved that we got to break out our boots. ( She wore hers in the heat of Summer, too.) She could wear her toboggans without any grief from her father. (She wore them in summer, too.) Time to break out coats. The leaves would change. This year, it doesn't look the trees will not be as pretty as normal. I am actually glad. I will not have the glorious image of driving down 277 with the flaming hues of fall draped down either side attached with the memory of losing her.
She wouldn't be playing soccer this year. She was too old to be playing in Anson. But, after Ty's game Saturday, I miss her critique of the players and the referees.
And, I normally love to bake pies. But, apple was her favorite. I can't look at an apple pie, or meringue without thinking of her.
I did get a sweet reminder of why I love this month...children in fuzzy-zippered-jammies!!!! The sweetest 4 year old girl was riding in her mother's cart just as proud as could be. Ty is too old for them. He used to love them. There is a pair hanging in his closet at his dad's. I asked if they still fit. He assured me he was too old for them, even if they did fit. (I informed Jerry that I didn't want to see him in zipper jammies. It would be too weird, even for me.)
Well, the Scream Awards are coming on Spike. So, I am going to watch to my nerdy heart's content. Goodnight all!
I am a woman trying to find her place in this world. I have an awesome son. And, I am married to someone who is as perfect for me as someone can be. We are still mourning the loss of my daughter. We are working through it. We are still trying to find happiness in the grief. It is there. I want to help others find it with us.
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