Today was a day of firsts. Ty called me for the first time on a school morning, just to say good morning. (I felt horrible. I had fallen asleep on the couch. And, left my phone in the other room. So, I missed the call.) I went to work today. My first night with Jerry working nights. (He is standing over my shoulder trying to make sure if I shouldn't go up to work with him. I pointed out that I have a bed here. And, cable. Also, the large glass of Parrot Bay and Coke I am drinking. I will be doing good to stay awake long enough to post this on Facebook. I actually considered buying a Christmas ornament.
Work was good. I needed the distraction. I new my coworkers were watching me. Making sure I was OK. But, the day went well. Good even.
Ty was very sweet when I called him. I asked if he had called just to call, or for another reason. He was so polite about it. He just wanted to talk to me. So, from here out, my phone stays right beside me. The first voice I will hear is his precious one. He is growing up on me. Aging. getting taller. He is getting peach fuzz and his voice is getting a tad deeper. He is becoming a young man his sister would be proud of. Sure of who he is. But, gentle in temperament. He has handled this all so well. He has worried about everyone else. Some people might have thought it was odd that he spent the whole week with his dad. But, he was very worried about his step mom. And, wanted to be where he could take care of her. (She was the one who found Sarah Friday morning.) He is a people pleaser. But, he does not let anyone run him over, either. Saturday night, he slept with us. We had walked a lot that night. And, he used out shower. When he came out, he asked if he could lay down with us. He slept right by me all night. I really needed it.
Jerry "closes" three nights a week. This means he gets home anywhere from one am to 4 am. But, rest assured, thanks to the previously mentioned rum and coke, I will be in bed soon. And, sleeping. This has been the most time I have spent alone in the last week and a half. Mom took me to Hobby Lobby today. And, I had to take Martha home from work. But, I will be OK. If any more crying and gnashing of teeth occurs, I figure it is justified. I was screaming earlier. To the point I nearly lost my voice. I have cried so much that when do, there aren't any tears anymore. I am pretty well out of everything. My heart and mind ache. My brain and body aches. I am giving in tonight, and sleeping.
I have so many things to do in this house, painting, cleaning, organizing, packing stuff up, finding room for plants. It is frustrating me that it isn't all done. But, it is getting there.
We went to Hobby Lobby to look at frames for a painting Sarah did years ago. Mom wanted to frame it for her house. We went to the Christmas ornaments. I think that Christmas in some ways will be easier than Halloween. Halloween was out holiday. We started planning out costumes November 1st. But, this year, I just can't. I will take Ty trick or treating. But, I think that will be it. And., I figure we will serve food somewhere else for Thanksgiving. But, Christmas, we didn't have any traditions yet. Jerry and I lived together last Christmas. But, we had not had time to start any new traditions. Stephen had the kids last Christmas morning. And, since he and his new wife had their kids for alternating Christmas mornings, I volunteered to skip this year. I did decide we are going to do a peace sign Christmas trees. With purple, lime green, orange, bright pink and blues. It shall be groovy.
Well, I am rather tired and Vin Diesel is on TV with his shirt off. ; ) So, until later. Thanks for you ear. Good night all.
I am a woman trying to find her place in this world. I have an awesome son. And, I am married to someone who is as perfect for me as someone can be. We are still mourning the loss of my daughter. We are working through it. We are still trying to find happiness in the grief. It is there. I want to help others find it with us.
No comments:
Post a Comment