I miss Sarah. Yes, this is obvious. But, today was worst. She was heavy on my mind. I am doing pretty well, for the most part. But, there are moments last night when I am lying in bed, and I have a vivid flashback. I start remembering smells and sounds. I have to shut myself out of the moment. It is really hard to do some times. Little things have been aggravating the memories. Mostly, knowing that she would be doing things like track and softball right now. I got a text message from one of her friends last Wednesday. They had a track meet the next day. It would be her first one without Sarah. I am going to try to get to one of the meets. The girl was very special to Sarah. And, I feel like I should go at least once. I may take a group.
The hardest part lately was seeing the picture of one of her friends with her driving permit. I nearly lost it. Sarah could be driving with a permit if she was still here. On a humorous note, she may have saved us a vehicular Armegeddon. She would have turned 16 this year on 12-12-12. We used to joke with her that the world would come to an end. She would just give us an evil laugh. It is getting easier to hear her laugh. She had a slightly warped, very clever sense of humor. Her favorite character in Monty Python and the Holy Grail was the Rabbit.
I also got the news that two more children were diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes today. One of which is a new friend. We met because we have both lost children to diabetes. Now, her son was diagnosed.This is my greatest fear. If Ty is ever diagnosed, it will not be pretty.
Well, I do believe my husband has gone to bed without me. So, I will take that as a cue and say goodnight.
I am a woman trying to find her place in this world. I have an awesome son. And, I am married to someone who is as perfect for me as someone can be. We are still mourning the loss of my daughter. We are working through it. We are still trying to find happiness in the grief. It is there. I want to help others find it with us.
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