Sunday Thoughts and Ramblings...

     I spent 15 hours in bed. We went to bed early, watching a movie. And, I refused to get out of bed for a while after sleeping late. I wanted to spend as much time lying in bed with Jerry as I could. I will not get to see him much this week. He works every night. Going in about the time I will get home. So, I hoarded him all to myself. and, I needed it. Well, we did. In that time, nothing else really matters much.

     Jerry actually enjoys his job.  But, the environment he works in, including the hours cause him a lot of stress. He has put in for a position in his IT department.  It would mean Monday to Friday from 8 to 5. Whether it came with a raise or not, it would be a vast improvement. And, would be far healthier for both of us.

     On the subject of health. Most of you know I am anemic. I go back soon to check my bloodwork again. Hopefully, I just need to adjust my diet. But, my luck sucks. I am also on the lowest available dosage of Paxil. I know the doctor will ask if he needs to I think it is helping enough. I really don't know. It has helped. But, I am not sure if I would benefit from more. I took this dosage before, and the only side effect we noticed was that I bruise really easy. I am doing it this time, too. I have a feeling the anemia is making it worse. I am feeling signifigantly better than I was. The question is, will more medicine, for a time, help or am I at a point where it is up to me to make myself better. I think I am going to wait to see what we find out about the anemia before I make that call. There are a lot of things that cause anemia that I may need some help dealing with. Sigh... it's a good thing we can't afford for me to drink much. I can so see how alcohalism comes out of these situations.

Here is an example of a bruise. 

(Who the heck can bruise that part of their leg? Me, I guess.)

     One more subject, then off to do some dishes and laundry.

     Ty performed in the talent show Thursday night. I got to take him to practice that afternoon. Come to find out, he would be the first to perform. He did a great job of manning up. I was so proud. Sarah's friend Baylee was sitting in front of us. Ty had already told me that if he got nervous, he would pretend it was just him and Sarah. He had the song on his iPod. And, they will let you sing with one earbud in. He did great.

Ty's Talent Show Performance

     After he performed, Baylee turned around to tell us that it felt like Sarah was there with us watching her little brother, and she would be so proud. That is when I became keenly aware that the seat next to me was vacant.

One of the last to perform was Molly playing a medley on her fiddle. She did beautifully. I had enjoyed the entire evening. Then my feet came out from under me, so to speak. She began to play Amazing Grace. The last time I heard THAT song in THAT room was at the funeral. I began sobbing. Then I realized that the empty seat next to me was #14. She was 14 when she died. and, then I realized I was about 2 seats down from where I sat at the funeral. I managed to get myself together before the lights came back  up. But, it reminded me that I will have 7 more years of events in the auditorium. And, everytime, I will think if her funeral. Which really sucks, because that is where Ty will graduate. I feel close to her there, too.

     Ty was always overshadowed by Sarah. And, sadly, I think he will for a good while. But, he is also getting to cut his own path that will not be compared to a sister who was such a strong personality. But, I see more of her in him everyday. And, I with that, I see more of me. It makes me so very proud to call him my son.