I never thought I would miss Salma Hayek in my bedroom.

OK... Jerry has had Salma Hayek pictures up in the bedroom as long as I have been around. He took them down. I kind of miss her watching over us while we are sleeping. And, maybe I kind of wanted to go nanner-nanner, he's mine. He also took down the huge Mad Max poster. It had large images of Both Mel and Tina. But, Mel is still hanging on the wall in a smaller picture.

It all stemmed from working on our kitchen. we are having to do a little remodeling. I am trying not to run off with the project. I want to make sure it looks like a family house. Not, a girly house. Ugh...

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And, my "enter" key is giving me fits.

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 I watched "Armageddon," today. Again. I love the movie, even though I cry through the last 2/3 of it. My favorite aspect of the movie is the concept of redemption. And, how everyone received some form. My favorite is when the mom tells the boy, "That man isn't a salesman. He's your daddy." But, that is a blog for another day.

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 It occured to me I am crying a lot. This is a good sign. I have always cried a lot. But, in the last few months, I couldn't hardly cry at all.

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One of the hardest thing about having best friends is having to share them. It's also one of the greatest joys.

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Finding the line between having the faith of a child, and NOT reacting like a child is a really hard thing to do.

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Last little note, I am on several medications for various reasons. FYI, this might be TMI for some people. Some meds do some weird things to your body. My cholesterol meds make my urine stink. And, the iron pills make for sticky black poop. So, always use our guest bathroom.

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And, you should check out my husbands blog. http://chasteknight.blogspot.com/

Tidbits

I have learned a lot of things this year. Small little bits of experience. I shall pass some on from time to time. Tonight, I shall pass on some of what I have learned as a waitress.

~ Always fill your sugar basket. You never know when company will stop by. Try to be prepared to at least have a drink to offer handy.


~ You know how you got to a restaurant, and you get that really cranky waitress. Take time to think that you do not know what your waitress has been through that day. Or, week. I know I had to have had some customers wondering what the heck is her deal. But, on the same note, when you are taking care of someone else, be mindful that you don't know what is going through their head. Whether you are serving them food, waiting behind them in line the store, driving in the car behind you, and so on. Oh! And, this goes for those overly perky people, too. You never know, they may be fighting back thinking about something that will make them very unhappy. And, if they are really that happy, shouldn't we admire it. Not be upset.

~ The way we treat others is often overheard by others. And, it does influence what people think about you. If you are pleasant at the table, and they hear you go to the back and yell ORDER instead of being considerate enough to take the time to walk to the cook and politely tell them you have an order, it will effect your tip.

~ By George, if there is something you see needs to be done, and you have the time, do it yourself. And, don't do it just so someone else will do it for you later. It's called being a grown-up. No one said doing the right thing is always easy or convenient. But, sometimes it really is.

~ Your actions effect other people. Sometimes, whether you like it or not.

That is all for now. Judge Dredd is calling.

Sunday Thoughts and Ramblings...

     I spent 15 hours in bed. We went to bed early, watching a movie. And, I refused to get out of bed for a while after sleeping late. I wanted to spend as much time lying in bed with Jerry as I could. I will not get to see him much this week. He works every night. Going in about the time I will get home. So, I hoarded him all to myself. and, I needed it. Well, we did. In that time, nothing else really matters much.

     Jerry actually enjoys his job.  But, the environment he works in, including the hours cause him a lot of stress. He has put in for a position in his IT department.  It would mean Monday to Friday from 8 to 5. Whether it came with a raise or not, it would be a vast improvement. And, would be far healthier for both of us.

     On the subject of health. Most of you know I am anemic. I go back soon to check my bloodwork again. Hopefully, I just need to adjust my diet. But, my luck sucks. I am also on the lowest available dosage of Paxil. I know the doctor will ask if he needs to I think it is helping enough. I really don't know. It has helped. But, I am not sure if I would benefit from more. I took this dosage before, and the only side effect we noticed was that I bruise really easy. I am doing it this time, too. I have a feeling the anemia is making it worse. I am feeling signifigantly better than I was. The question is, will more medicine, for a time, help or am I at a point where it is up to me to make myself better. I think I am going to wait to see what we find out about the anemia before I make that call. There are a lot of things that cause anemia that I may need some help dealing with. Sigh... it's a good thing we can't afford for me to drink much. I can so see how alcohalism comes out of these situations.

Here is an example of a bruise. 

(Who the heck can bruise that part of their leg? Me, I guess.)

     One more subject, then off to do some dishes and laundry.

     Ty performed in the talent show Thursday night. I got to take him to practice that afternoon. Come to find out, he would be the first to perform. He did a great job of manning up. I was so proud. Sarah's friend Baylee was sitting in front of us. Ty had already told me that if he got nervous, he would pretend it was just him and Sarah. He had the song on his iPod. And, they will let you sing with one earbud in. He did great.

Ty's Talent Show Performance

     After he performed, Baylee turned around to tell us that it felt like Sarah was there with us watching her little brother, and she would be so proud. That is when I became keenly aware that the seat next to me was vacant.

One of the last to perform was Molly playing a medley on her fiddle. She did beautifully. I had enjoyed the entire evening. Then my feet came out from under me, so to speak. She began to play Amazing Grace. The last time I heard THAT song in THAT room was at the funeral. I began sobbing. Then I realized that the empty seat next to me was #14. She was 14 when she died. and, then I realized I was about 2 seats down from where I sat at the funeral. I managed to get myself together before the lights came back  up. But, it reminded me that I will have 7 more years of events in the auditorium. And, everytime, I will think if her funeral. Which really sucks, because that is where Ty will graduate. I feel close to her there, too.

     Ty was always overshadowed by Sarah. And, sadly, I think he will for a good while. But, he is also getting to cut his own path that will not be compared to a sister who was such a strong personality. But, I see more of her in him everyday. And, I with that, I see more of me. It makes me so very proud to call him my son.

Just a thought...

There are somedays that I wonder how many people have never experienced the word, conviction.

It has been weeks...

...since I have blogged. To be honest, it is mostly because my wireless card snapped in half. And, it is a pain in the rear to use a laptop with a cable. So, I figure today's blog will be the result of me leaving the laptop on so I can just swing by and add as the day goes on. So, it may be far more random than normal.

     Last night at United, we stopped to read the Valentine's greeting cards. There are some really good this year. I am not so sure that it really had more to do with being married to Jerry than the actually quality of the card writing. I mean, really, the man is a doll! When we were going through the "lady section" he thought to ask if I needed more. What man thinks about these things. This I am sure is due to the growing up just him and his mom. Note to self: Get mom-in-law a fruit basket.
     Anyways. I was already sobbing. It was getting hard to see the cards with the tag stating "Daughter." I did OK, until it occurred to me, Sarah would be getting her first REAL valentine from a boy this year, most likely, if she was still alive. That hit really hard. Jerry let me wander off down the aisle and let me cry a bit. Then came to check on me. He is a saint in the way he knows how to handle me. I need a few minutes to get it out of my system a bit. Then, to be held. I love how he knows me better than I know myself, most times. OK, I will give you a moment or two to continue with your gagging noises, Mom.

I would really like to do portraits and such on the side. I DO however need to work on my photoshop skills, first.

I am having a really hard time with the baby bug. I want to raise kids with Jerry. He would make such an awesome dad. And, out views on so  many things about children are so alike. He would just rock. Plus, the house is so empty. But, it helps that my friend, Jessica also has the bug. It's nice not being alone.

Yes, I may  just be the perfect woman for Jerry. Reading Judge Dredd while watching The Incredible Hulk. That's the way I roll.

 New favorite quote, "Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" ~  Rose Kennedy

     So, one last little bit before I go. We were talking not long ago about people praying for a person they don't know. A coworker commented that while walking across her university campus, someone asked if they could pray over them. Another person said that it would make them very uncomfortable if this happened to them. I am pretty sure that a few months ago, I would have said the same thing. But, I have learned to be open to people's good wished and faith. I have my own faith. It has actually grown strong throughout everything that has happened. It has actually grown stronger. But, I have also learned that you can indeed also lean on other people's faith as well, like a bonfire. The more of you that stand together, the stronger and brighter you are.

     I have had people ask me at work how my day was going, and I told them. They have prayed for me. I had the father of a friend from high school who had actually met Sarah while working at Abilene High, where my mother works, ask if I would stay with them as they prayed before their meal. I think the comfort level stems from knowing that people that I have never met praying for me. The sensation of being bathed in prayer has been nearly constant. It is amazing. To those of you who have been praying, thank you.

     Well,  I guess that is all for know. I have the Birds of Prey TV series to watch (Oracle, Batgirl and the Huntress). Good night and sweet dreams. 

Just a little update

Well, it’s been a while. So, I guess I will start with this coming weekend. My phone show the next 3 events listed on my calendar. After I dismissed Jerry’s work shift today, Sarah’s birthday came up on the list. She would be turning 15 on Monday. My heart skipped a little when it came up. Jerry and I both took the day off. So did my mother. Since Jerry and I did not get to take a honeymoon when we got married, we are going this weekend. Sarah was really unhappy about us not getting to go. And, she wanted to go to Dallas. She was such a big city girl. She would want us to go. And, we will make a point to celebrate the little things that we would love. Maybe a balloon release. I am really excited. We need to get out of town. We have a real hotel room and all.

On another note, I went for a physical last week. I complained about being tired. A LOT. Not the depressed tired where you are sitting on the couch going, “I don’t want to get up and do anything.” This is a, “I really need to get up and get these things done.” I had to do two trips worth of blood work. I also have to do another test. So far, I have to add B12, D and iron. I just hope we can find out what the problem is.

I got to go to the ladies Christmas party for our church, tonight. We had so much fun. : ) We had an ornament exchange. Hilarity ensued. Thanks ladies. I could go on. But, I really am tired. Thank you guys for listening.

3 days of Thankfulness

I haven't posted my "what I am thankful for" for the last 3 days on Facebook. It has been a tad crazy. And, so have I.

There has been a lot of chaos. But, I don't want to even think about it. We do have a car. It will legal Monday. I guess we got a few break. but, for every good thing, it seems like there is something to make up for it. As Sarah said, "Murphy is a douche." (I didn't let her use the word often. but, sometimes, it just fits.) It has been two months and two days since she died. My heart throbs knowing she won't be coming back. I won't see her turn fifteen. Her birthday would have been in a few weeks. she would have a boyfriend right now. : ) I like the boy, too. So, did she. Last night was the worst night yet. It was a weird day, all the way around. About one o'clock in the morning, it hit me that we would have been at the movie theater together. That was the end of it. I went to bed sobbing. Jerry being the wonderful husband he is, just held me and let me cry. That is until I realized I could NOT breathe out of my nose. I had to make myself stop crying, sit up and make the most unladylike noises ever. But, it made us laugh, and relax.

The quote of the day came from one of Jerry's coworkers. "If you guys ever get a break, I am buying a lottery ticket."

Well, I have 3 days of thankfulness. So, here goes...

November 16th...Sarah

I have gone on and on about how awesome she was. So, have a lot of people. Even if I only had her for fourteen years, I had her. She was a blessing.

 

November 17th...Ty

I don't even have words for the change that has taken place in Ty within the last year and a half or so. The divorce was the hardest on him. And, it made things difficult between he and I. But, he has grown into such a sweet, compassionate, animated, loving, bright, fun-loving young man. I see a lot of his sister in him. And, more of me everyday. It makes me smile.

November 18th... Baylee and Ian

Baylee is one of Sarah's best friends. We joke that she is Jerry's love child. She fits in so well with us. She even looks like us. And, she really does feel like one of our own. We have been blessed with her in our life. I remember the first time she spent the night. Sarah popped off, "Great, I lost my best friend to Jerry." : ) She isn't a replacement for Sarah. We already loved her. And, her mother is kind enough to let her come spend the night sometimes still.

Ian is the kids step-brother. If you know my baby brother, Doug, he is a lot like him. except skinnier. He has been such a good influence on Ty. I really think that he is a lot of the reason that Ty has done so well. He has helped guide Ty socially. Plus, he is a darn good kid. (And, his mom said I can claim one of his pinky toes. She is kind of awesome that way.)

Well, that is all for tonight. I am tired. And, Jerry has already crashed. Man, I love him. He is one of the best things to every happen to me. Good night all. Until the next time...