To Come in Costume or Not in Costume, Welcome to the World of Cons

I have been to ONE comic book convention. It was splendiferous! I felt a wave of Nerdvana wash over me as I first stepped out of the car. We had seen a few people in costume. But, the girl getting out of the car just then, she made my day. I was the only one in our group that knew who she was. Well, the character. I even knew the episode! "Shindig" from Firefly. Out steps a lovely auburn haired girl in a pink confectionery delight of tiers upon tiers of ruffle. I knew that I had found my happy nerdy home.

So, I decided that since I have a few friends who have never been to a "Con" (short for convention), I would make a list of hints, tips and general things to know before you go. My lovely assistant Jerry Don shall help me. OK, he has been way to way more conventions than me.

1. Bring your camera. And, make sure it is well charged. Yes, you will have your phone. But, I assure you, the service will be non-existent and/or the battery WILL die. There are so many things and people you will want to take your picture with. And, don't think, "OH, I will come back to take the picture then". Most likely, you won't get another opportunity.

2. Check the website before you go. You will want to be prepared for how much autographs and such will cost. Yes, the big celebrities will charge you for an autograph. Some of the actors will even charge you to take a picture with you. But, not all. Some will have prints available to sign. They might charge for them. They might not. When we got the autographs of David Prowse (Darth Vadar) and Jeremy Bulloch (Boba Fett) we could have had our pictures done. But, we were so excited, we forgot. David Prowse had prints available that he included in his price. we had one with Vadar and Boba. FYI Star Wars actors are generally far  more "generous" than Star Trek. So, we have them framed together. And, just because the site says that they won't be there, they might still. It's best to be prepared. The comic book artists at the last convention in Dallas would sign up to two pieces of work. And, some will even do sketches for you. 

This is my favorite comic book. I got to meet the artist Jamie Tyndall in Dallas. Also got a signed print. He is a really nice guy. His wife does cosplay. Speaking of which...

3.  Cosplay, short for "costume play," is a type of performance are in which the participants don costumes and accessories to represent a specific character or idea. There will be cosplayers at conventions. The bigger the convention, the more cosplayers. When taking photos of cosplayers, common courtesy is to ask permission and ask their name and verify their name. Besides, they are generally hams, and they will pose for you.  These guys and girls spend a lot of time on their costume. And, some of them are nationally known. Tallest Silver and Kit Quinn are our favorites. Here are some examples.

A female Gambit - Marvel

Black Widow - Marvel

Poison Ivy - DC

Storm - Marvel

Darth Maul - Star Wars

 And, if you want to come to a convention in costume, you will most likely be asked to get your picture made. Be a good sport. :)

4. You will want to each bring a back pack. Even if you don't normally, you'll want one. There are so many things to buy. And, if you are planning on bringing items to have autographed, you'll need it. Also, it gives you room for the camera we mentioned earlier. Plus, you may not want to leave things like a GPS in your car. You will have to pay for parking. But, that still doesn't guarantee your car will NOT get broken into. Another thing that you may want to consider is a poster tube. I would post a picture of ours. But, I can't remember where it is. Most of the prints available are not small. And, they have straps, so your hands are free. And, look around before you start actually shopping. There are going to be booths selling the same goods. Some booths will be a lot more expensive than others.

5. Bring snacks and a bottle of water. There are concession stands. But, they are not cheap. And, there will be lines. Generally, long lines. And, you are not going to want to leave for lunch and come back. 

6. Label your child. If I took a child under 10, I would use a Sharpie, write your names and numbers on their arm. Mostly because there are so many people in one building. 

7. Expect long lines. So, whenever possible, buy your tickets ahead of time. It is not unheard of to spend 2 hours getting in without tickets. And, long lines EVERYWHERE. Food, booths, to get in, to the bathrooms. Just be ready.

8. Even if you are in a group of adults, pick a meeting place. As I stated earlier, the phone reception in most convention centers is really bad. So,you can't count on being able to call or text each other.

9. There will be costume contests, panel interviews and such. Figure on being there early. It may be packed. Especially if Stan Lee or Patrick Stewart are involved. Also, if you are in a group, you might have someone hold seats for you.

10. Don't expect to see every star. Just because they are in the building, you might not see them. (I DID get to see Summer Glau, however. She is as lovely and graceful in real life as she is on screen.

11. When you meet a celebrity, rule of thumb is to never quote one their lines. It gets REALLY old.

12. Even though it is a "comic book convention" there will be booths, actors, artists and vendors from a variety of genres including, gaming, comics, anime, sci-fi, and all things geeky. INCLUDING Doctor Who. Lots of Doctor Who. I love Doctor Who. If David Tennant ever comes to a Con in Texas, I will simply die. 

13. The Dallas Con is not the San Francisco Con. The bigger the Con, the more there is to see, do and buy. There are often movie previews, a lot more actors, exclusive merchandise, and more opportunities in general. However, there will be a lot more people, a lot less true "nerd" based media and much longer lines

.

14. And, if you are an artist, feel free to bring your own work. The artists are generally very kind, patient and supportive of other artists. Our kids shared their work with Richard Dominguez, I believe it was. He gave the kids very patient and enthusiastic critiques.

15: Wear Tennis Shoes. If you are in costume, bring them. There is NO WHERE to sit down inside.

16. Steampunk... Well, that's just another blog all together.

Nearly a year...

     I am sitting her listening to a podcast "starring" my friend Jeff Emery about life with juvenile diabetes. It is reminding me of how Sarah coped as an individual and as we functioned as a family. I was amazed at how she functioned in the world. She had "melt downs" where the weight of diabetes overwhelmed her. But, I can count those times on my fingers. She made it clear that she had the disease. Not, the other way around. She did not want to be known as the kids with diabetes. That really ticked her off. I am so proud of the woman she was becoming. She was so a staunch defender of her friends and loved ones. She was tender hearted When the ones she loved were hurting, she hurt, too.
   One thing I should clarify. The original thought was that her blood sugar had dropped in the middle of the night. It did not. She did have a seizure. And, it caused her heart to turn on her. Most likely as a result of the stress on her heart. I have had several people ask. And, I felt this was a good time to clarify.
     I don't grieve like other people. No, I don't wallow in grief. I make a point to not let my sorrow effect how I treat people. Some people might see it as being uncaring, or thoughtless. More likely, it's ADD. I am in agony. Not a moment hardly goes by during the day that my thoughts are not on my kids. Some of you know that I have "dad's weekends" with Ty. When I left his father, the children stayed with their father because they wanted to stay at the same school. My children were in the best place for them was with their father.  The day that I came to that conclusion was one of the most heart wrenching ever. Not that their father is a better parent, or that I am a bad parent. Just that it was where they needed to be. I did not have the means to provide for them like they should be. And, they were thriving despite the divorce. And, if Ty asked to move to Abilene, I would say no. He needs to be where he is.
     As Friday morning gets closer, I can feel my heart sinking. The anniversary is technically on Sunday the 16th. But, it feels like Friday. It feels so much like it did last year. It is the same week of the football season.. Playing the same team as last year. The weather is even the same. It is going to be Ty's first football game. I am worried that last year will overshadow last year. Sarah was so excited that she understood the rules. She spent the whole game last year messaging me about the game. I was keeping her up on the current episode of Vampire Diaries. I was trying not to tell her too much about the Secret Circle after that. We were worried they would butcher the story. They did. But, she never got to watch it.
     I love Sarah's stepmother. And, I don't say any thing from here out against her. She has always "done right by my children." And, it was my choice to leave and come to Abilene. But, that does not lessen the hurt that the last night my daughter spent on this world was not with me. It is agonizing. It is heart wrenching. It actually causes physical pain. The hardest thing in the world is not thinking out what she would be doing right now. She would be driving, with a permit. She would most likely have a boyfriend. She would be tall and beautiful. The me I wish I had grown into. I wish I had her gusto. Her guts. (She got those from her dad. We made some pretty awesome kids.) But, if I think about it too long, it pulls me towards a dark place.
     The Dark Place is where I spent a lot of time a few years ago. I promised Sarah I would not go back there again. I felt like a roadblock in people's lives. Just someone who was always in the way. I would hurt myself. Not injure myself. I have a scar from running a serrated letter opener over the same spot for weeks. I had suicidal thoughts. I would not have gone through with them. But, when you ask, "Why on earth would someone ever consider killing themselves?", remember, their self worth is non-existent. You honestly feel the world would be a better place without you. Your children would be better off without you. That you are a hindrance to everyone. I still have trouble with my self worth. And, I still feel like I am an annoyance that gets on everyone's nerves. And, I suck as a friend. And, as a person in general.  I can barely stand being around myself. So, I don't see how others can stand it either. But, it is getting better. A lot better. In some ways, I am better than I was a year ago.
     A lesson that I have learned over the last few months is that I am not the only person grieving Sarah. It was hard to accept that outside of immediate family, others were still missing her, too. She wasn't just mine. She belonged to us. As parents, we had a bigger piece of her. And, we do not all grieve the same. Some of us make comments that others "don't get" or find offensive. I am sorry. But, I am really tired of watching what I say. There are heaps of stress and problems in the world. And, some in more homes than others. This effects how we cope.
     I am going to wrap this up. I am wiped, fully and completely. But, one more thing before I go. If there is anything I have learned in the last couple of years. Peace and joy don't come to you. You have to take it. Find it. If you don't have anything that makes you happy. FIND SOMETHING. And, by God, DO IT! Don't take the oh, who is me route. No one can make you happy. You have to DECIDE to be happy. Yes, there are times that your circumstances make things more difficult. When possible, changed your circumstances. Love yourself. If you don't, it will make it more difficult to love others. And, remember, there are people who love you. There are people out there who want to help you. you ARE NOT ALONE!!!! But, no one can make you do anything it's up to you.

In just over a week...

      ...it will have been a year. A long, heart wrenching, breath taking, life altering year. I am at a huge overwhelming ball of emotions. Mostly good, actually. There is a a certain amount of peace that comes from running low on firsts. I know there will be more. But, we are past the first holidays without her, first birthdays, start of school, and things of that nature. There is also a selfish sense of thinking that somehow now that a year has passed, that the rest of the world (not counting really close friends and family) can move on and let us have the grief to ourselves.
      I have come to realize that Sarah meant more to the world than I could have imagined. Somehow, knowing this helps. You always hope that your children will have an impact on this world. I already had an idea. I knew of several occasions of her standing up for other kids. Some where she was willing to take on a bigger kid, or less popular. She stood up for the underdog. And, she was proud of who she was and who she called her friend. She had faith in God. Not always religion. She and I believed there is a great difference between the two.
      I figure that I will spend a lot of the next week remembering the last week and a half. Remembering the last phone call, text messages, hugs and so on. The night before she died, she was at her step-brother's football game. It was the first game that she understood the rules. So, I figure that is a lot of the reason that I am dreading Ty's first game. It won't feel the same without her there.
      Well, that is all for the moment. I need some rest. I just hope I get it. Good night all.

I need a vacation.

I want a vacation far away. One where I can take my husband and son. Hide away from the world for a while. I know that just isn't going to happen. I'm just tired of people. I even got frustrated with kids today. As in wanting to tell the kids to keep their brats quiet. I have had more screaming and yelling than I can take. And, it's not just the screaming and yelling there. It's politics, too. My friends are very evenly divided left and right. If I am your friend on Facebook, I know where you stand. But, the hatred being posted by normally sweet kind people and the generalizations are ridiculous. Yes, you are entitled to your positions. But, remember, Christ wants us to love each other. And, he didn't spend all of his time in the Temple. Nor, did he spend it all with the people that needed to be reached. I love all of my friends. Even the ones I haven't met.

 I am far from being the person I want to be. I am working on it. It gets old being the woman that people treat as "the woman who lost her child." It is really old. It is hard to move forward. I don't want to say on. That sounds like I want to forget where I am and start over completely. I am not. And, a lot of the issues I have been around a long time. I have a hard time getting motivated to do things. I also fight depression, anxiety and low self esteem. (And, don't bother telling someone with those issues to look up or try to lift their spirits too much. We tend to think you are just trying to stop us from complaining about ourselves.)

I am the girl who worries about whether she needs to shut up, because she has either overstepped her bounds or is just being plain irritating. Or, assuming that the only reason her husband wants her is because he has low self esteem of his own. And, that he settled for you because he could do so much better. I doubt myself at every turn. And, I normally run from confrontation. But, I am getting better at that.

Part of what we are working on is our house. Jerry had a ton of "stuff" when we got married. He is getting rid of a lot if it for me. He knows that the house needs some work. A lot of work. He figures that he will have got rid of 3/4 of his stuff by the time he is done. He wants to do it. But, I still feel guilty.

OK... I know I have rambled A LOT. And, I had so much I wanted to write about. But, I am tired. And, the heat puts more strain on me than I like to admit. Well, I am going to go see if My 12 year old has done ANYTHING in his room.  Have I mentioned how frustrated I am...

In the time you carry a child in your womb...

     Today makes 9 months since Sarah's death. I spent the afternoon surrounded by little girls and big girls. There were at least three families all raising money for their Diabetic Alert Dog. While walking to the door, I was thinking to myself that if Sarah was alive, she would be in there primping. Then, it occured to me, "No. We are here because of her." With her death, there are going to be at least seven families in the Abilene area that may get to sleep better at night because of their D.A.D..

     I was asked what I wanted said about Sarah today. This is what I wrote...

     "The joy of Sarah was knowing that when you met her, you knew her. She was completely honest with who she was. She made it clear that she had diabetes. It didn’t have her. She had dreams of a career in music production and promotion. She was in love with the idea of making a living by finding bands, and making THEIR dreams come true. In the entire time she had diabetes, which was half her life; she only complained a hand full of times. And, when she did, it was that it was not fair that other kids did not half to worry about checking their sugars, write them down or keeping checking in with their parents.

     She was strong in every way. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She was honest to a fault. She didn’t understand that not everyone can handle brutal honesty. We had to work on that. But, she never hid who she was. She believed strongly that you should not hate people for what they did. “Hate the sin, not the sinner.”

She will never get to kiss a boy. But, she will never have her heartbroken.
She will never go to college. But, we will not be worried about her living on her own.
She will never get married. But, she will not have a spouse who worries about her as he lies by her sleeping.
She will never have a child. But, we will never have the months of worry associated with a diabetic pregnancy.
She never got to fulfill her dream of crowd surfing on a moving tour bus. But, at one time, if you searched her very common name on Twitter, you would find that she was the first result for the post the band Black Veil Brides posted about her.

     We are heart broken that she is not here anymore. But, there is nothing we can do about it. Her body had been ravaged by the effects of diabetes. Years of high and low sugars will do that. We will never know why she left us so early. (We could ask when we meet our Creator. But, I am pretty sure that I will be too busy looking for my little girl to bother.) But, for those diabetics who are still with us, an alert dog could make all of the difference in the world."

     And, this was the song I chose to have them sing...

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test, and don't ask why

It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. 

I hope you had the time of your life. 

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. 

I hope you had the time of your life. 

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. 

I hope you had the time of your life.

I Wanna Break a Leg

     I have been watching the second season of Glee today. It is actually all I have done. I miss the stage. A lot. With only one car, it's problematic. But, my friend, neighbor and fellow thespian can probably give me rides to practices. I may just do it. I really would like to do a musical. It's been forever since I read a piece of sheet music. But, I really want it. I would love for Ty to see his mother on stage. The last performance I was involved in was my senior directed play. I had just found out I was pregnant with Sarah. That makes it about 16 years ago.  We'll see. Maybe one day soon...

It's Been a Rough Couple of Years...

     As much joy as I have experienced, I have had a lot of heart ache, too. I have been generally pretty lucky in life. As a child, I manage to have a fairly easy childhood. Money was tight. But, we did not have any large problems. School was fairly easy. I had quite possibly the easiest divorce of anyone I knew. Heck, I only had 2 hours of labors and easy c-sections with quick recoveries. Now, this was balanced out by a marriage that was far less than satisfying and a child who was stricken with diabetes. And, the eventual death of my child.
     When I came back to Abilene, I chose not to bring much back with me. I regret not getting some of the things, now. There are books that I purchased for the kids, toys they had, things that I want for when I have grandchildren. Today reminded me of that. I have talked to Jerry about starting a small toy box for girls. And, replacing some of the books I no longer have. The ones that I can not even say the names out loud with out getting a little teary eyes. Love You Forever, Goodnight Moon, Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom...  (will there be enough room, a told b, and b told c, I'll beat you to the top of the coconut tree).
     I have come to term with not having kids with Jerry. The last part of the realization was considering that his Marfan's Syndrome is genetic. And, that is the last thing I need to pass on. And, it better be a good while before I have any grandchildren. So, I plan on taking out any maternal urges on other people's children.

   

     I saw this today, and I didn't even laugh. I actually understood completely. It is hard to ell some days if I am just OK, or if I am just to worn out to care. I worry that I am being lazy some days. Taking the easy way. Or, if I am just using the situation I am in to my advantage. I don't have kids at home. I have tried to call our house Ty's other home. But, it really isn't. His Dad's will always be home. That is the house he was born and raised in. It feels like I am putting too much pressure on myself by forcing the issue. He is far too happy there to even consider trying to move him. He is thriving under our current arrangement. It breaks my heart to know I do not play a larger roll in it. Don't get me wrong. I adore my son. And, he adores me. No one tries to leave me out of anything. But, it still hurts. Mostly because I put guilt on my own shoulders. I seem to thrive at that. 

     Well, I am going to get off for now. I baby sat two darling kids today. But, I am wiped. Thanks for listening to me whine, guys.